FAMILY 05 – Sexual Relations

FAMILY 05 – FORBIDDEN SEXUAL RELATIONS

Forbidden sexual relations?

  • Deu 5:18         “Do not commit adultery” … No sexual relations with anybody other than your own legal husband or wife. Though this definition covers all cases, God finds is necessary to specify further:
  • Lev 18:1-23 is a list of forbidden sexual relations, which also means it is a list of whom you can and cannot marry.
  • Context of the passage is Lev 18:1-5: the peoples surrounding Israel (Egypt, Canaan) are committing these sins. God demands Israel to be different.

Lev 18:6-16

Sexual relations forbidden with whom?

> near kin                                18:6
> mother                                  18:7
> father’s wife                          18:8, 20:11, De 27:20,    > mother, step-mother
> father’s, mother’s daughter  18:9, 22:17, De 27:22     > sister, step-sister
> son’s, daughter’s daughter   18:10                              > grand-child
> father’s wife’s daughter        18:11                               > step-sister
> father’s sister                        18:12, 20:19                   > aunt            pishi, phupu
> mother’s sister                      18:13, 20:19                   > aunt            mashi, khala
> father’s brother’s wife           18:14, 20:20                   > aunt            kaki, caci
> mother’s brother’s wife ‘uncle’    20:20                        > aunt            mami
> son’s wife                             18:15, 20:12                   > daughter-in-law
> brother’s wife                       18:16, 20:21                   > sister-in-law boudi, bhabi
> wife’s mother                        De 27:23, Le 20:14        > mother-in-law

 

  • Sexual relations or marriage is forbidden with whom?
    • > near kin, own flesh
    • > married into family (Example: father’s 2nd wife)
  • Who is not on the list explicitly, but implicitly included?
    • > own daughter
  • All prohibiting commands are addressed to men (except: animals) … Why?
  • Are women not tempted? Is there a double standard? No, in adultery both get equally punished.
  • Maybe men are more tempted? Have stronger sex hormones? Are usually more powerful to achieve their will? Are senior, important, money-providers, more problematic to resist? More risky to offend? Example: how can a new 15 year old wife refuse the pater familias?
  • Yet the same commands to women are implicit, and in the case of animals explicit. Implicit that if it is immoral for the father to have relations with the daughter-in-law, it it also immoral for the daughter to have relations with the father-in-law (unless she is pressured / raped).
  • None of the three lists are identical or complete > this speaks for a ‘principle-interpretation’ and against a ‘legalistic, letter of the law-interpretation’
  • For example: There is no verse explicitly prohibiting sexual relations between women (lesbianism), yet it is in the same categories as male-male relations. Also lesbian marriage wasn’t legal among Jews, therefore female-female sexual relations are covered under the adultery prohibition.
  • Another example: There is no verse explicitly prohibiting sex with a daughter. Yet since one cannot marry a daughter (or son), it is covered under the adultery prohibition.
  • Why are sexual relations with ‘close kin’ or ‘own flesh’ forbidden?
  • Physical problems: the probability for genetic disease (physical & mental) rises as probability of recessive genes being recombined increases. This danger will increase over time and history as gene codes deteriorate with accumulated exposure to radiation or irritants. Sister-marriages were the norm in the beginning (Ge 4), not uncommon in antiquity, but now outlawed in most societies. By now cousin-marriages are outlawed in many societies. This trend is likely to continue.
  • Moral problems: all these sexual relations are outside a committed & exclusive marriage frame, giving the woman no legal frame, no rights, no authority, no honor, no role as an official marriage would … women are simply used, but not committed to or honored.
  • Relational problems: This creates completely impossible family relation-ships, it inverts all natural authority in family, leading to impossible and confusing relationships (Example: if I’m the lover or my father, how do I then relate to my mother, his legitimate wife???). If children result of a union, they are of such impossibly complex relation that normal authority is abolished (Example: if my child by my father is also technically my brother, what authority do I have ??) … not to speak of inheritance laws.
  • Safety problems: The family, meant to be the ultimate ‘safe place’, ceases to be a safe, I am at the mercy of sexual predators in my own house, often people it is hard to refuse because of their seniority, status and influence.
  • In many ways this list of prohibitions is a limitation of the power of the pater familias. It also seems to indicate that extended family co-living has very clear dangers. The Gen 2:24 command for the husband to leave his extended family is also for the protection of his young wife.
  • Why are sexual relations with persons married into family forbidden? Married into the family is seen as ‘own flesh’ now. Also people married into the family are just that: married, meaning that any relations to them is adultery.

Lev 18:17-18

Other forbidden sexual relations (family related)?

> a woman and her daughter                    Lev 18:17, 20:14        mother & daughter
> a woman and her son’s daughter           Lev 18:17                   mother & grandchild
> a woman and her daughter’s daughter  Lev 18:17                   mother & grandchild
> a woman and her sister (both alive)       Lev 18:18                   sisters

  • Why is this forbidden?
    > no genetic disease argument in this case
    > but: impossible, confusing family relations, authorities, inheritance rights
    > forcing women into honorless & competitive relationships, subjecting them to emotional turmoil, intrigue and unpeace

Lev 18:19-23

What other sexual relations are forbidden?

> own wife during menstruation                Lev 18:19, 20:18
> male with male                                       Lev 18:22, 20:13
> male or female with an animal               Lev 18:23, 20:15-16, 20:21

  • Why the menstruation verse? Issues of cleanliness? Transmission risk? Increased pain during that time of cycle? A time lapse as healthy and good for sexual relations?
  • No sexual relations with an animal … Is this command needed?? Well, it seems so, God is fully realistic about human depravity.
  • Why forbidden?
    > disease risk. Some diseases plaguing mankind were introduced this way
    > unhelpful escape: obviously the primary relationships is broken, which needs to be address, not ignored. Escape is selfish, will make things worse
    > severely devalues women “if you don’t want, a goat will do”
    > only an ‘image of God’ is good enough for an ‘image of God’ Gen 2:20
    > infertile (thankfully!)

Homosexuality

  • Male-male sexual relations are forbidden (Lev 18:22, 20:13).
  • Implicitly: female-female sexual relations also forbidden
  • Obviously this command is needed, same sex attractions are possible and not so uncommon.
  • What reasons for same-sex attractions? Possibly exclusively male (or female) settings, like military, war, hostels, dorms, ships. Possibly childhood hurts in general (no affirmation of identity and gender, wrong linking at the wrong time), wrong experiences or early exposure, childhood abuse, especially if sexual abuse by a same gender person, …

Why are same sex relations forbidden?

  • Physical reasons:
    • a much higher disease transmission risk, as anal linings are not made for this use > high risk of bleeding > higher risk of transmission
    • anatomy seems to indicate that this was not the way the designer meant it to work. Even issues like ‘not facing each other’.
    • infertility, again an argument that this is not the way the designer meant it to work. But: fertility is nowhere in the Bible a condition to marital relations or a condition to the validity of marriage.
  • Moral reasons:
    • God established not only a monogamy, he established a one male and female marriage in Gen 1-2. God values both gender, created their complementariness and appropriateness for each other.
    • Faithful homosexual monogamy is virtually non-existent. Homosexual relations in average are highly promiscuous.
  • Some cultures despise, some culture even encourage homosexuality
  • Search for the homosexual gene. If a gene was found, it will be interpreted as genetically determined > therefore no guilt > therefore license.

 

Biblical perspective & attitude towards homosexuality

  • Do not despise! Do not joke! Do not say: “How can they?”
  • Do not be surprised! Do not declare non-existent or impossible! Do not underestimate! Christians been trying to prove it’s ‘unnatural’, but that’s not the point.
  • Rather be realistic like God: in a fallen world these things will happen.
  • Do not think you are ‘immune’ or ‘above it’’! Be fully realistic, for God is.
  • Do not demonize homosexuality (as the church has done: making it the ‘one sin’). Homosexuality is not allowed like adultery is not allowed (about that we have less to say!).
  • Humans may feel attracted to people, to same sex, to animals, to things that they shouldn’t have relations with. This could be an uninterested woman, a married man, a beautiful sister-in-law, a same-gender person, a child, …
  • The problem is not to feel attracted But: not all attractions can be lived out, acted on, fulfilled. Attraction is not sin but sexual relations with anyone or anything not your spouse is. Remember Heb 4:15 on Jesus: “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.” Jesus, tempted in every respect … that includes homosexual temptation!
  • Do not compromise God’s standards, not here, not in anything else
  • Many people have recovered from homosexual behavior and attraction
    • it maybe slow but it is possible
    • there are ministries that focus on counseling people like this
  • If you are struggling, share with a trustworthy person and get help … like you need to do for anything else
  • Careful to not ‘scare away’ people who may be struggling, needing help and counseling, rather to have an open, helping approach. Never ridicule! Be a true friend.

Identity Issues

  • Problem: we define our identity by sexuality, both men and women
  • East: women are “daughter of”, “wife of”, “mother of” … who are you if you are not married? Who are you if you have no children?
  • East: men define themselves by their sexual exploits
  • West has gone down further: > women are defined by “sex appeal”
  • We need to find identity in God first: I am first his creation, his child, his ambassador … and yes, I also am a female, and maybe a mother
FAMILY